GIVAUDAN MARTHA AND SUSAN PICK
PLANET EDITORIAL GROUP, MEXICO, 1995 ORIGINAL
Full title: Development of Self-Esteem and Positive Identity
What is self-esteem?
is the value we attach to ourselves, and that relates to how we accept ourselves as we are and how pleased we are with ourselves. This in turn is closely related to the degree that we believe we have the right to be happy and how much respect and defend our own interests. People who have developed these skills and a high valuation of themselves have higher self esteem than those who have not achieved this goal.
What is the self?
is the idea we have of ourselves. Some examples would be how we define ourselves, what qualities or skills we think we have, what flaws or weaknesses, how much we feel we are accepted by others.
What is the relationship between self-esteem and self image?
The more clear is the concept we have of ourselves and have greater acceptance of it, the more positive. The degree to which we value the concept we have of ourselves is the way in which we can define our estimate as high or low.
How important is self-esteem in the child's development?
The way we feel about ourselves affects every aspect of our lives. From the way we play at school, work, relationships with others, to how the problems we face, the decisions we make and the goals that we set for the future.
How are children with high self-esteem?
Children with high self-esteem are confident kids, who are confident in their abilities, can recognize their mistakes and accept them, knowing they have support, affection and acceptance from their parents. Are children who value themselves and can tell if someone wants to abuse them, are children who learn to defend their rights and views.
When a self-esteem?
Self-esteem develops from childhood, first through the relationship with parents and later with the family and social group. In adolescence or revalued reaffirms esteem and well into adulthood successes and failures continue to impact on the way to evaluate ourselves.
How is the esteem?
From childhood, adults can nurture trust and respect of children towards themselves, depending on whether we respect them, show them love unconditionally, we value and encourage them to have confidence in themselves. If we do this, we are negatively affecting the ability to develop self-esteem.
Is it true that rejection subtle, not aggressive, it also negatively affects self-esteem? Yes
For a person feel rejected not need the push to remove a group, or to scream that they do not want. Simple things like that to ignore it when speaking (see the other way when you talk or do something else while talking) being compared to another: "Why did your cousin can and can not you?" That make you feel that it is not can "never do things right" are sufficient for self-esteem is affected. Why it is so important to communicate thoughts and positive reviews.
What can we do as parents that our children have high self-esteem?
The
Parents play an important role in the development of self esteem. One of the basic needs of all people is to feel accepted, loved and needed by others. For children and youth is essential to establish links with others. Accept ourselves, helps us accept others as they are. Doing this helps our children develop high self-esteem in them. Showing that we love and trust what they say and do we will give our children self-confidence.
Why are some parents who want and accept their children do not favor their self-esteem?
Parents who do not favor the development of self-esteem of their children usually are too strict. Instead of praising the achievements of our children will increasingly demand. This conveys to the child the idea that what is good, and never manages to please his father or his mother or himself, so he is frustrated and devalued.
For example:
Child: Dad, I have great news, I took first place in my group.
Dad: What I want is you to be more obedient and to take out first place but not the group, but the school.
Girl: I love my friend Laura.
Mom: Because you love her very much, but you see that not studying. Oh, what a friend!
What are the most common mistakes in the upbringing of children and preventing the formation of high self-esteem?
Here are some mistakes you can avoid:
a) Manage the child in terms of rewards and punishments. When managing a child with rewards and punishments he learns that it is valuable only when it is what other people want and that to win a prize should be better than others. In doing so, we are making is valued in relation to competition with others and not in relation to their own achievements. When you do not get the finish, although it was tried, feel that fell through. Another problem is that this technique takes the child to do things to win the prize or fear of punishment and not by choice or responsibility. This takes you to do things just for reasons external to it and not by their own motivation.
b) have expectations that do not correspond to the age or the characteristics of the child. Compare the child with other people makes wrong expectations we form, for example, knowing that the son of a friend never awake at night, we decided that our child should do it, causes us discomfort to continue waking up. In these cases we are not taking into consideration that each person is different and how wonderful that way. Can you imagine how boring would that we were all equal? Sometimes what happens is that we aspire to perfection and, therefore, the child never or rarely able to satisfy the parents: "Since you came out better that drawing, but I saw one of your classmate who was perfectly well done" . The child probably will feel more satisfied with yourself and more motivated to make efforts if it read: "Every time you draw better, I love that picture."
c) highlight the errors and no achievements. Usually, we tend to talk problems with children, how difficult it is to educate and discuss errors, instead of talking about the satisfaction they give us and their achievements. Often, the same is what we pass to the child. For example, we look at the toy store lacked rather than congratulate all those who saved themselves, or highlight the area in which low-skilled won praise rather than success in school activities. In this way we "forget" to recognize the achievements and give more attention and value to the failures.
How can identify what type of self-concept and self-esteem are our children?
know what our children think about their family, school, friends, etc., Includes knowing what you think about yourself. The way to know is communicating with him and allowing assess their activities and achievements before you decide as adults if we find beautiful, ugly, difficult or easy.
The following questions can help us find out what children think of themselves:
How do you think you look in those clothes?
Who do you think would win?, What place do you think you could get?
Why do you think that "so and so" likes to be your friend?
Why do you think that "perenganito" not want to play with you?
Guess what I like about you?
How do you think you're gonna be big?
What are the things that makes you do?
What is more difficult you make?
How do you think you look in those clothes?
Who do you think would win?, What place do you think you could get?
Why do you think that "so and so" likes to be your friend?
Why do you think that "perenganito" not want to play with you?
Guess what I like about you?
How do you think you're gonna be big?
What are the things that makes you do?
What is more difficult you make?
For what good is knowing the self and self-esteem of our children?
By knowing what to think of himself, we can help if we show appreciation and recognition activities that stand out and support them where they feel unsafe or poorly accepted. What can we do if we teach them new skills and show them that they already possess. For example: Mariana think your drawings are ugly. Would help if you teach your previous drawings and show you how much better welcome. Another way may be to help to draw step by step what you want to learn new ways to solve the problem. In any case it is advisable to openly acknowledge their effort differently and speak positively about their abilities in other areas. All excel in something, it is fair to say that someone does not excel in anything. Look. Will surely find something positive in every person. Start with your children. Tell them.
What can you do to help children increase their self-esteem when we discovered that low?
Paying attention to the child when needed. Children require care, both directly by saying things like "see me" or "join me" and indirectly through the tears, questions, complaints, etc. We recommend listening to them and show them that we care what they say, looking at the eyes and sometimes repeating what we understand to see what you mean.
- show affection with caresses, hugs, encouraging phrases like "you're very smart," "I like a lot." It is suggested to do so spontaneously and where real, children easily noticed if the stimulus is sincere or not.
- Praising their efforts, "Thoroughly clean the table", "I was very nice that picture," I'm proud of your grades. "
- Recognizing their attempts to interact with other people: "How good you lend your cart to John." Encouraging him to learn to recognize their qualities by itself.
- talking about their feelings, it helps to create a calm environment where possible to communicate without anger. Example: "I liked what I did because ...." Giving
- little surprises: Recaditos loving, a drawing, some stickers, a story, Greeting card because it is.
- Sharing hobbies and interests with him, "Yesterday I read in the newspaper something I think you're interested." Highlighting
- special features: "You are very good at manual labor," if you help me with the garden flowers become more beautiful. "
- accepting these ideas, encouraging him to take them out though different from ours.
- respect the privacy of your room and admiring their belongings. "I was incredible your room, what a good idea that well-off." Allowing
- fulfill its responsibilities in their own way (as long as there is no danger) to find out for yourself and your qualities and abilities.
- allow you to carry out their work or duties at your pace. The children work more slowly than adults and are set at different things.
- Understanding your failures and support when you need help. One need not be the best or always win, nor can be perfect in everything. For example: "This rating in your work will serve us very much because here we have pointed to these tachaditos what to review for the next review. Do not worry, I'm going to help."
Source: http://presencias.net/indpdm.html?http://presencias.net/educar/ht1027.html
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